Aerin (yure_chan) wrote,

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Just trying to convince myself...

Sometimes, when you realise that time has reached a stop, and you need to consider your next direction in life, that may possibly be the toughest decision to make. I've been through several phases of that, I should say. And the results of each decision always doesn't turn out the way that I want it. And eventually, it always leads to exasperation, depression and lamenting why things in life always doesn't go the way that we want it to.

If life is that simple as to follow the way that we have planned, would we possibly be happier and content with what life has given us? I guess not. If we actually get what we want the way we plan it, most probably, we will just seek for something else. After all, human nature is never easily satisfied.

But somehow, I'm just disappointed at each turning point at what life has to offer me. I have never found my actual direction in life. I thought that by having a diverse range of interests, I may actually be able to find something that I really want to do. But I ended up in greater confusion, never putting my full energy into any of these interests and letting all past efforts go to waste. I guess I'm just a fickle minded creature after all.

When I was intending to pursue my degree, the first option that I opted for was Mass Communications. I decided I wanted to major in Public Relations and Journalism since I have no interest in Marketing or Technology. Less than one year into the studies, I began to regret my decision and thought that I should pursue a course in Animation instead. Knowing it's all too late to turn back, I began trying to convince myself that I'm never cut out for design and should never even attempt at Animation. And I know that if ever my first decision was to go into Animations, someday, I will regret that decision too.

My decisions are always made at an instant and for a while, I will stick to it and even plan out all my future steps. But when I eventually get it, there will always be other things that will make me reconsider if my initial decision was actually right.

Over the years of growing up, perhaps, there were many right decisions that I made, but I never made the effort of sticking to it. Thinking through so many things, I guess I finally find my next direction in life. And this time, I think I will make an effort to stick through it. After all, I guess writing is still my passion after all, though I have no desire to be a journalist.

On another note, I think I've learnt something. Always make the best out of the worst situation. Even if it's a wrong decision, something good will always turn out of it if you put in the effort.
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